Whether you love it or loathe it work is something us mere mortals just have to deal with. However, there are a few types of work colleague that make a mundane job mortally offensive. Below are those culprits, hint if you don’t recognise any of these you’re probably one of them.
1 – The Talker
Whether it’s first thing as you stumble bleary-eyed, pre-coffee (bastards) to your desk. Or last thing at night when you’re desperately trying to close things down in a vain hope that you might see your significant other before you go to sleep. At that exact moment this sod will chat away as if there’s no tomorrow. More often than not it’s about the most inane shite ever (like their kittens/kids/Liverpool fc). Akin to an alert Meerkat they perk up at noise, looking to join in any conversation going. Annoyability 4/5.
2 – The Jobs Worth
Ever needed access to something that would make your working day just a little less balls-achingly difficult? This person will ensure you don’t get it unless you’ve dotted every ‘i’ and crossed every ‘t’. Conversations tend to go as below.
Spawn of Satan – “I see you’ve worked in repairs for 5yrs and you want access to the latest repairs report?”
You – “Yes”
Spawn of Satan – “I’m sorry you haven’t completed the mandatory online training on what constitutes a repair. Or wrestled a bear one armed whilst dipped in honey, I can’t give you access until you do BOTH those things.”
You – “What the actual fudge?”
Spawn of Satan – “Data Protection, sorry.”
You – “That makes no sense, DP isn’t even relevant here!”
Spawn of Satan – “I don’t make the rules…”
You get the gist…
3 – The Show Off
There’s no two ways about it, this guy/gal is a dick. Typically an Audi driver, suit sharper than a professional grade kitchen knife. They talk the talk, rarely walk the walk but like a Peacock you sure as hell know they are there. Whether it is boasting about a recent business success or the ‘mental’ night they had out over the weekend they will story top you at every opportunity. Probably work in a sales-focused position or the part of finance where people are allowed personalities. Annoyability 4.5/5.
4 – The Top and Tail-er
The ultimate bullshitter, always just about to finish off that work you asked them for 3 weeks ago, never knowingly completed anything on time, always ready with an excuse as to why they’ve managed to avoid doing their sodding job. Perennially involved in asset management of some form or another. A walking HR nightmare around non-work appropriate jokes. Redeemable features include their generally affable air and the ability to tell an entertaining story (aside from when explaining why they’ve done sweet FA). Annoyability 3.5/5.
5 – The Nice Guy
Probably more an issue in UK based offices where we’re more accustomed to grumpiness and are naturally distrustful of consistently nice people. Aside from a habit of laugh talking, where every sentence dissolves into laughter, with scant regard for the general tone of aforementioned convo, this person is actually really sound. Just. Too. Nice. Annoyability – Dependent on mood.
So there you have it, if you can avoid those lot in your day to day endeavours you’ve done well. Roll on the weekend.
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