Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start

I’m not one for New Year resolutions, they’re not worth the booze stained paper they’re written on. Whilst an arbitrary date might help some on the path to negating an annoying habit/chronic cake addiction, the reality is that most of us will fail to keep to those good intentions. Governments are not excluded from such foibles, especially when it comes to housing policy. Unfortunately, unlike the Konami games of old, you can’t just use a cheat code to solve a nation’s housing market problems. A pity really, given the way housing policy is currently heading we probably need all the ‘help’ we can get.

OK Time for Plan B

For all the positive vibes coming from the Barwell/Javid axis little has materially changed so far in May’s tenure as Prime Minister. The switch in rhetoric has been welcome, and you do genuinely get the feeling that Sajid Javid is sincere in his desire to improve the housing situation facing many in the UK. However rhetoric and reality have not quite met. At least not consistently. Indeed it seems at times that Mrs May is willing to do pretty much anything to help the housing crisis, apart from actually do things that will help on a practical level. Promises of a Britain that works for the many have so far fallen flat. That needs to change, sharpish.

Right to Buy, or at least its extension to Housing Associations, is seemingly getting kicked into the long grass (FYI check out Nick Atkin’s piece on why RTB has had its day here). Positive news over better regulation for parts of the PRS and the scrapping of lettings fees should help those renting. But policy and capital funding wise the Autumn Statement proved to largely be a bust. The vast majority of the £44bn earmarked for housing initiatives has been kept for demand side interventions. And of that all bar £15.3bn had already been announced.

A give away on Stamp Duty and a continuation of policies such as Help to Buy are not really what the doctor ordered. With Help to Buy being described by the Adam Smith Institute as being like throwing petrol onto a bonfire. Whilst the Stamp Duty cut is a great example of a policy that on the surface is great for individual households but is actually bollocks at the macro-economic level – a typical state of play for housing policy in the last 2 decades.

Elsewhere, although several million has been set aside to help with homelessness initiatives. Even here Theresa May has managed to piss me off. Her response at the last PMQs before Christmas showed just how little she understands the subject. She also showed that you can be right on a technicality, but utterly wrong on the bigger picture. Being homeless doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sleeping rough. But regardless, the lack of a safe, secure and affordable home has serious detrimental effects. Still, shout out to Theresa May’s researchers for finding the one technical point where the homelessness situation wasn’t total crap. But make no mistake, as a country we’ve been regressing alarmingly on this issue since 2010.

Here Comes the New Sound, Just Like the Old Sound

Since the clusterfuck that was the Brexit vote and subsequent change of personnel in Government I’ve been hoping for a significant departure, in practical terms, from the clueless/ideologically driven housing policy under Cameron et al. Sadly, some honourable mentions aside, what we’ve had so far is more of the same.  Plus ca change. Some improvements have been made, but it’s all a bit piecemeal.

Still, it could be worse, the Conservative Party’s attempt at revamping its social media presence is nothing short of alarming. Honestly, Activate is probably the shittest thing I’ve come across on social media since Mogg-Mentum. It sounds like the start of a fight on Robot Wars for fucks sake. Who are these clowns? Have they met real life people? One only hopes that Conservatives spend more time on fine tuning their housing policy in the upcoming Housing Green Paper than they have on their current social media engagement strategy. Otherwise we really are fucked.

As ever, you can find more of my stuff here and follow me on Twitter here.

Photo Credit – Emil Athanasiou (2015) Same Yet Different

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How to buy a house: The Millennial’s Guide

Hey you, under 30? Want to own your own home? Not a trust fund baby? Then read on to find how you can join our great property owning democracy.

Channel your inner Chairman Mao

As the great philosopher Dizzie Rascal said ‘if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true’. But if you don’t have a plan, then all you have is wishful thinking. So lay out a five year plan to save for your deposit. Now I know in an era of Packman video games, BookFace and WhatsUp us millennials are all about that instant gratification #LifeGoals but stick with me on this one. It’s worth it.

Chairman Mao was great at 5 year plans, utter shit at being a good, democratic leader. But at plans, he got his game on tight. So it would be worth following his lead, and if you work hard, keep an eye on your costs and can stack away £250 a month over 5 years you’ll have saved £15,000. Which is great because it means you’ll only be £18,000 short of the average deposit needed for a first time buyer. So whilst you won’t be anywhere near the required target for buying a house. You’ll have managed to see 5 years of your life drag by in the desperate hope of not living under the roof of a landlord who is a complete dick. Or with complete strangers who aren’t complete dicks. Or living with your parents who probably think you’re a complete dick.

Oh yea, that £33,000 figure is the UK average, so if you’re in London it’s nearer the £100,000 mark #SozBoss. The good news is that Chairman Mao had more than one 5 year plan, so you just continue to follow his lead and start another one, or two.

Find a rich old person, hope they die

I’m not going to lie, this one works best if you’re a financial beneficiary of a rich old person. So whilst strictly speaking you can do this with any rich old person, it would be better to be related to the aforementioned cashcow er I mean much loved elderly member of society. Considering we are a generation that may well be worse off than our predecessors, getting a leg up from your dead Nan is probably a good way of avoiding a tricky time to be alive and affording to buy a house. Particularly given that, of the estimated £7 trillion increase in net wealth in the UK since 1995, £5 trillion is related to the increase in the value of dwellings in this fair isle. So whilst 50 Cent had a plan to get rich or die trying. It’s probably best to focus on getting rich by someone else dying.

Read the Runes

Not getting paid enough to keep up with the rising cost of living? You’re a millennial, so you’re probably not, and living in the private rent sector, which is what most of us do, isn’t going to help. Well, there’s a number of ingenious ways you can help keep those pesky bills down. Helpful* souls like Edwina Currie, Strutt and Parker (although their numbers are a tad out there) and Tim Gurner have given really helpful advice on how to make your money go further. Which considering households today can spend like 36% of their income on housing costs is totes helpful.

Well there you have it, a quick and easy guide to getting a home. Good luck on your journey to joining the massive debt mountain that is keeping our crushingly unproductive economy going.

As ever, you can find more of my stuff here and follow me on Twitter here.

Photo Credit – KJØKKENUTSTYR (2016) Avocado Toast

*Arsewipes